1.5 months till graduation means hurtle hurtling. though what im doing in the stead is sweet and slow. nothing is sweet though. (not even this lukewarm coffee)

i have looked for sweetness and i am having difficulty scaling this particular cliff. sheer hanging. there is suspense. i dont know if i have the strapjacks or whatever the fuck it is that is supposed to hold me up on this thing. i have friends but this is not enough. there is too much communication from dad. it makes the spirit buzz. talking to dad is like death on a stick. he is perfectly civil but he is strong-arming me without even trying because his arms and strong and he was a champion diver in his day.

i want to be a fucking champion diver.

i am, however, doing nothing right. not a thing. classes? nope. friends? no. mohopedia? ha. school? graduation plans? novel? love? (HA) boys? fixing the computer?!?!?!?!?!

there is no exhilarate. none of that kerosene shit. but i need the kerosene for the burnnnn ooh baby. where will i go now? wandering bare foot desperate. PLUS IT IS RAINING. orpheus wants to go to a place where it rains. i agreed but fuck that shit. orpheus is “seeing someone”. BAH. humbug.

lacking of the groibly…


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