December 19, 2010

there is a boy who wrote a thing and in the thing he said that he wants to fight hedonism. that made so much sense to me then and now it makes even more sense to me why you’d want to fight hedonism. there is this horrible river that i’m in of addictions and i can’t let go of them or at least i’m trying but they’re not gone yet but i guess i made progress but in a way that was the opposite of the desired trajectory.

like, i want to be young and have all these privileges. even the concept of being young is fucked up and divisive. and prejudiced, and also just really rude. ‘young’?? WHAT. this is stupid. i know that my mind fights against this idea because i have one long white hair and i love this white hair because it is cool and different. but then i have to go do things like get really drunk with some stranger douche boy. why is it that i am so insanely wanting to swoon and dance in loud music? i like to feel hammered, literally the feeling of something beating repetitively against the side of my head. it is a kind of destruction that i like.

so this stupid website about how to be in your 20s, it is bullshit. it makes me feel like i should do things that make me ill. it is bad for me. it is bad for the world. it is bad for my goals and values and morals. HELP THE PEOPLE?? who helps anyone? when have i ever helped someone. i don’t help people. i need to start helping people. i should help someone right now. i don’t need to party and be drunk and swaying with loud music. i will eat music to survive and uplift and that is it, really to draw the line, that should be it. the voice goes, but one more druggy sexy night. just one more dot before the ellipse is complete and you are done being young. just one more time tripping in the museum of fine arts. just one more one more. but that is the hedonism that makes so much sense to fight because it is in my way and without it i cannot see because it is a lead blindfold of confusion.

these vibes in the air buzzing, they be killing me filthy.

on another note, this is sexy.


what they know

September 26, 2010

they show me things through things

they show me









September 20, 2010

i am the well

i am bitter powder

i feel i have the power
now to be the world–as is harsh and bent over whip spanks you. as is hurt you though immersed through womb you grow. there is where you came from, a mother, but slaps in your face from anger, assault, or abandon. which is worse? this depends. i have abandoned. i think i know now.

i have the maze
i think invincible
today all day i felt sick at work
i am the maze

i am broken weaving evil, but i know that i am goodness. i know that they are there. i want them to be there always. they show me things thru wine. they show me–e





June 27, 2010

15 reasons why franzia is awesome


May 10, 2010


bejai is looking forward to climbing a tree with you to watch my graduation!

oh yeah! that’s in two weeks, so my ass should be healed by then.

LOLOLOLOL!!!!! so, what happened is that jp was grinding up on someone real hard and he BROKE HIS ASS. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?!?!?! it happened! it happened to him! ahahahahahaha oh dear oh dear. jp ilu. i hope your ass heals!!! i hope it heals good!!!!

orange bit

May 10, 2010

orange bit of chalk inhaled and smaller bit broken off inhaled

harkness is boldness


we have BIG things to do that are BRIGHTER than this

to-morrow is may 11 which is a deadline for many things–it is said that it is the deadline for all things. an email to which there is no reply. DO I HAVE AN EXTENSION OR NOT?!?! senior week supposedly starting? fuck that shit. i have WORK to do. it is IMPORTANT work. in the ground back the wubi installs ubuntu 10.04. it is apparently unstable to share with windows via wubi, and live cd will become necessary. though toby is good. toby is very very good. i will have toby for many years always tobias, he is the best, i cant believe i thought id ever want another computer, who needs that when i have toby, me and toby are fucking soulmates.

the orange chalk gives breathery where was necessary. this novel comes now and place of no texture in night of last emerges swimming–and now, NOW, i have things to say. things orange are 17 in number and i have less than 17 days. how shall we do this? an image of swallowing them all at once, but lira stays the hand she does! lira is good inside of me now and she is being good to me.

if harkness is boldness and kindness is goodness then we are full grown!

we are fully grown to realize this, no?

cavortings past with boy of M. who is goat. goat talks. he reads. he bubbles with many and i am silent for loss of voice. what strange powerlessness to lose the voice? eating of soup now. eating this now with shells inside and guilt that they are oysters. they are not oysters but called oysters and to eat oyster shells probably reinforces the eating of oysters global-wide and this means that SO MUCH IS LOST! in eating animals, SO MUCH IS LOST.

please, i beg you, stop eating animals.

i would rather die!

mistakes are made but please think of stopping, or reducing, or calming, or staying, you can win this! VEGETABLEZ R DELICIOUS I PROMISE.

there was a boy bejai with whom i was in love and now we are in love still but of sort totally different and there is not smooching but nuzzlin and loving in voices. i have not seen him in TWELVE YEARS it seems though closer to 12 days. how will i live without him? he is my mother! when i say that i want mommy it is him that i want for mommy is adorable but mother of mine is actually child of mine, whose phone charger she leaves here in like. fucking february. and it is may and she does not have it still. mother i want to mail it to you but then father will open it! biofather that is, not father#1 nor father#2. trizd does not read this so he is no longer in touch for knowing which father is what and who is who. trizd has never answered his phone but once, and only to give directions or holler. we danced in the bar swaying falling. i have not been crunk as so since. missing tequilaness now! missing of the this but last night i tried to drink and body does not want and what is important is to–Listen.

orange chalk is giving goodness brightness lightness.


bejai thinks that i am right in the fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he thinks that just because i do not want to know grimy details of his other love lives does not make me a wuss who cant handle non-exclusivity. ALSO HE IS GETTING PUBLISHED. we are big. we are huge. lirbja have been working on Important Work for so many years, we have been waiting to jump off trains to make good things, good pieces, goodnesses. we have been trying to VEGANIZE and PROSELYTIZE and FEMINIZE and so much, such else, much big hugeness. and now it comes, bridge of success, and we are climbing and i hope that we make it.

universe, god, i hope that we make it up there because the world needs us to do this and we can do this and we can write books and give feelings.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh too many emails sent. toooooo many emails sent. i send emails to people who wont write back. it is fine. i am stupid to ever think that anyone can give as much as i give and this is why i withhold details–because if you cant match incineration for lavacore then you dont deserve it. that is such a cruel lie. it is not a matter of deserving (of course it is) but hierarchically speaking, it is a matter of relevance. what does it matter where i was born or what is the name of my name, hm? it is not relevant to you! im bothered by clutter, by marmot tangle that the head becomes in times of stress like now. i showered for like an hour and i am bleeding and there are troubles on that front but then i took a chalk and said to myself, “WE DO NOT HAVE TIME TO FEEL SICK” and this is true,

if there is anything that is true, it is this.

but we will not end on looming. no desire for dark shadow of gloom or words like “disappointment”. those are ejected from tongue. tongue does not speak of despair. we are shining bright to-day for we must even as the wind gusts outside knocking trees into trees.


May 6, 2010

the goodness of things can be measured by how well you can sleep in it. this is how possible it is for me to be declaring the goodness of under things:

1) the new person in whom sleeping becomes able who is hippo

2) school post-eclipse


4) niceness easy goodness

5) pact that is golden with sunlight

6) looking at things and loving exciting instead of hurting unsmiling

7) uneating of animals & rape juices

8) phylaphace

all in all i think being vegan was a great thing to be and is a great thing to be and there is no need to be freegan, not in this space that i am in, not in this place; splace. i think that phyla is a great thing even though we cannot sleep–but the reason for us unsleeping is because she is too excited to sleep and i sleep first and i have looked my whole life to sleep first, to be the one that sleeps first.

wait. did i just realize something.

wow. i think i just realized something.

wow. gotta get on that. gotta get on that right now!

goodbye, good evening america, to-night, i am up to noooooooo gooooood.  XD